Ch-Ch-Changes…

Big news! I am transferring my blog to tumblr. Woo!

It was a hard decision to make, but ultimately it’s a better platform aesthetically and functionally for what I’d like my little stream-of-consciousness blog to be. It’s easier for my not-so-tech-savvy self to post pictures, quotes, videos, and other stuff that suddenly pops into my head while I’m out and about and at home.

This blog will be here as an archive, but all new posts will be on this site: outoftherabbitholeblog.tumblr.com

I hope it will be a better format for cataloguing my weird and sometimes dramatic life.

A dopo! (on tumblr)

Another block break begins.

In typical fashion, my plans of debauchery far, far away from home were thwarted, this time not by overly eager underclassmen, but by a consulting firm in Philly. “How so?” You may ask… Well, my roommate, Maddie, who was the ringleader of our epic trip to Jackson Hole got a third round job interview with a firm in Philadelphia. Of course, she couldn’t pass up this awesome opportunity at a job that pays money and actually looks good on a resume. Unfortunately, this interview is at the same time as our block break and thus 3 1/2 days of fun in the mountains at her brother’s place was whittled down to 1 day. Hardly enough to warrant 18 hours worth of driving and headaches. So, the trip was curtailed to a point of that it made no sense to go, so we put the kibosh on that bitch.

After soaking in self pity for a a couple days I decided that I would make the best of my on campus break, and not spend it watching hours of Netflix, and by watching I mean searching through every single movie on my list and deciding that I don’t want to watch any of it. Then I found out about the H&M opening at the local mall. Of course that brightened up my prospects. Also the fact that I’m not completely broke this break means that my options have opened up considerably. More time to figure out my Halloween costume and try out some new recipes… Sure.

Today’s letter is…

J for Joke.

As in, my life is a joke. And in true life-is-a-joke fashion my day has been unraveling quite terribly, if I do say so myself.

I woke up this morning feeling like a dry sponge, but then remembered ‘Oh yeah, today is the day that I start my really awesome writing class with Hampton Sides! How cool is that?’

So I get up, realize that I’ve woken up late and scramble to get out of the house so that I’ll be on time for my class. Of course, I arrive at my classroom at precisely 9:02AM with all of my books, ready to apologize my ass off and soak in the awesomeness that is Hampton Sides. And then I realize the door is locked.

Literally panic starts coursing through my body. The director of creative writing comes out escorting the people who were on the waiting list out of the class and informs me that because I was not in the classroom at 9AM I cannot be in the class. I could not believe that he was saying what I thought he was. The class that I had been looking forward to taking for 5 months was now being ripped out of my hands by a little hobbit looking asshole who could careless that I couldn’t find the classroom. My question, “How was I supposed to know about this policy if no one told me?” His response: *shoulder shrug* I wanted to rip his smug little face off.

Adding insult to injury it’s 2nd block, which is notorious for not having very many classes. All of the classes are either 100-level classes for freshman, or 400-level classes for seniors finishing up their majors. Not only am I missing out on my dream class, I am also scrambling to find a class that I can actually take, or I’m hanging out doing nothing for a block. Fucking terrible.

On top of all this, I still haven’t received my money from financial aid. This would be fine if it weren’t the fucking 30th and if all my bills weren’t fucking due today and I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY. Awesome.

Then I receive an email saying that my 5th block class has been cancelled. The other class that I was really looking forward to taking. Score.

Monday called and said: Fuck you.

Boredom v. Relaxation

One thing I learn every block break is that there is a very fine line between relaxation and boredom. Every block break I skirt that line and inevitably cross it.

Usually, my boredom is mixed in with a good dose of procrastination, but that’s another issue entirely.

For most of the break I’ve been pretty content with having absolutely nothing to do. Of course, I’ve had plenty to do this break. Between working, cleaning, and hanging out with friends who I haven’t really seen in a while, this block has been eventful enough that I haven’t actually been bored all break. Today has been he first day that I haven’t really had anything to do. I can’t even go to the gym because it’s closed, so here I sit on my front porch writing about having nothing to do.

I could be going over lines, or reading, or washing my dishes from breakfast this morning. Needless to say, none of those things are moving me to action at this point. Right now, I’d like to be shopping, or hanging out with people, or hiking. But I am doing none of those things which is leading me to a minor case of cabin fever.

Luckily, this break hasn’t been a complete bust. I like that I’ve been pretty productive and have worked out as planned. I can fee that I’m in much better shape than I was before… It’s always astonishing to me how quickly I get back in shape.

On the flip side I’ve felt really weird al of this block, emotionally, that is. I’m not sure if it’s because of my period, or if I’m just having one of those weeks, but I have been really emotional lately. I guess I have been kind of all over the place. Sometimes I don’t know if there is actually something wrong with me, or if it’s totally normal for life to be an emotional rollercoaster.

Between my crush (that is really kind of freaking me out since I haven’t had a crush on someone in quite some time and it makes me think that I’m crazy for being this infatuated with someone I just met), whatever it is that is going on between me ad David, and the intense feelings of loneliness that I’ve been feeling, I’ve been in a whirlwind of emotions lately. Hopefully that will change this upcoming block. I could use some fun.

Electric.

A little journal entry I’d penned after a summer night watching movies with a guy friend took an unexpected turn.

The silence was the most nerve wrecking I’d ever experienced.

There was an ease with which you sent your currents coursing across the air from my fingertips to every end of my body.

I couldn’t break the current if I’d wanted to, and I feared my careless lips would kill the energy in a fumbling attempt to escape from the silence.

The silence that signaled the inevitable, that I couldn’t deny it if I’d wanted to.

Next block…

Through middle school and high school I was a pretty avid writer.  started out with fiction, writing novels for no one in particular and doing short and flash fiction for Power of The Pen competitions and classes. It was something that I really enjoyed and ended up enjoying more when I applied for the Writer’s Workshop at my school freshman year. I had never personally shared my writing with people I didn’t know. It was an experience that was new for me and it was then that I was really introduced to the idea of creative nonfiction. I had intuitively known it was thing, I’d read personal essays which were clearly more personal in tone than academic essays, but never really consciously thought about them as a separate genre. For me, coming up with stories, even with a prompt was always a hard task. I was always at a loss for a good story, my writing was good, but the ideas were rarely inspired. I can only think of a few stories that I came up with that were any good, needless to say, that does not a good writer make.

The end of the beginning…

Right now there are a ton of people in my house. For a change I’m not annoyed. It’s nice being able to share my home with people. Last night I went out, this weekend was one of pure fun. I drank, I smoked, I danced and I hung out with my friends until the wee hours of the morning. It was a great weekend to say the least, even though I have been doing homework all weekend and it’s 4th week. I met a boy, who, despite being a senior I had never met before. Let’s just say I might have a new distraction, which, at this point, I don’t mind. It’s nice, hopefully I don’t let my self-consciousness get in the way of putting myself out there. We’ll see what happens.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty good. We had a house brunch and then I went to the lab to work. It wasn’t as productive as I would have liked but it was productive enough. Then I had work and then went to Ellement rehearsal. Overall it was a busy day, but a nice day. After that the new freshman swiped me into Rastall… it was joyous and extremely delicious. I haven’t pigged out that much in a very long time.

So tonight I’m deciding whether or not I am gonna go out and also deciding whether or not I’m going to woman up and make a move. Hopefully both of those answers are affirmative, but you never know.