Thursday, June 28, 2012

So much in my brain…

I, being an idea driven person, am always in my head. I think and think and think about things and often times it stops me from making them happen.

I have been feeling a wealth of emotions over that last few weeks, longing for my second home in Colorado, wanting to stay in Cleveland to see explore every inch of it, having the urge to runaway somewhere new and just stay there. All these feelings contradict each other and it feels like my brain is pulling in 10 different directions.

This summer, I have been doing a lot of reflection. Thinking about the future, the present, my current path in life, where I want it to go, etc. And I find that my desires, what I want to do with myself and what I want my legacy to be are going in divergent paths. The humanitarian in me and the artist in me are having a tug-of-war with my brain on what it is I should devote my life to.

On one hand, I absolutely adore fashion. If I could submerge myself in it 24/7 I would. I love that fashion can be grand, luxurious, and indulgent and be gritty, edgy, and down right dirty all at the same time. The culture, the cult of clothing is like the witch with the shiny red apple, only this time, I know it will inject it’s poison into every inch of me, and I still want it.

If I went into fashion, I know I would turn into “that girl” the one that lives and dies for the shoes in her closet, and can’t imagine leaving the house in anything that doesn’t have a print, a sparkle, or a pleat. I would give myself over to a world of shallow self obsessed poseurs who’s only goal is to be seen being seen. Oddly enough, I’m completely ok with that.

But, do I want my legacy to be that I helped the fashion challenged not to buy ugly clothes, or something more substantial? Enter applied social sciences.

I want to help people, I want to make my community an amazing place for everyone, even the people who can’t afford it, and unfortunately I can’t do that by preaching the evils of Croc’s. I don’t think that it needs much explanation, the humanitarian in me wants to help human kind. It’s not glamorous, no shwanky parties involved, I won’t make a lot of money, and I won’t be surrounded by the young and fabulous.

It will make me feel better about myself to choose the latter option, to keep my self-righteous attitude about elitism and equity. But what happens when all you really wanna do is sell your soul?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A New Philosophy…

Lately, I have been working a lot and talking with people who are a bit older than me and it has made me realize a few things.

The first, is that college never really ends, happy hours and function after parties ensure that you will have just as much potentially embarrassing boozy fun as you did in college. The bright side is you are legally allowed to have this fun, the down side, if you do something stupid and drunk, the consequences might be worse.

Another thing is that I’ve realized time is dwindling. This fall, I will be a junior, inevitably the year will go by in flash and I will be a senior with no more summers and no more time to be a mooch. I need to explore, be reckless, and shameful, and maybe even a little naïve while I can. This realization has created a spark in me, and for all the reasons why anyone would flee to the big city…

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Summer Daze

So, things this summer are looking up.

One of my best friends that goes to MIT introduced me to a friend of hers who will be doing research at Cleveland Clinic for the summer. This is a great start to reaching my goal of meeting new people. Plus, I got to hang out with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, so that was nice.

This weekend one of my good friends from highschool is coming home for a few days, I’m really excited to see her.

This summer is turning out to be a lot better than I thought that it would be. If things continue at this trajectory, I’m in for a great time, before an AMAZING year back at school.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Afternoon Delight…

Or, more like morning delight. or morning reflection because it’s actually not that delightful. But like an afternoon quickie, this will be a quick one.

I can’t remember the last time that I read something that resonated with me to strongly. I read this Tuesday, and it still pops into my idle mind. It was eerily relevant to how I was feeling, and not in the ‘I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of something that happened to me’ way, but in the ‘I was literally saying/thinking this exact thing and it’s like the author pulled the thoughts out of my head and put them on paper’ kind of way.

Here’s the article, and I hope it touches everyone who reads it as much as it touched me.

A dopo!