Lately, I have been working a lot and talking with people who are a bit older than me and it has made me realize a few things.
The first, is that college never really ends, happy hours and function after parties ensure that you will have just as much potentially embarrassing boozy fun as you did in college. The bright side is you are legally allowed to have this fun, the down side, if you do something stupid and drunk, the consequences might be worse.
Another thing is that I’ve realized time is dwindling. This fall, I will be a junior, inevitably the year will go by in flash and I will be a senior with no more summers and no more time to be a mooch. I need to explore, be reckless, and shameful, and maybe even a little naïve while I can. This realization has created a spark in me, and for all the reasons why anyone would flee to the big city…
I have decided that next summer, I am moving to NYC. Now, I haven’t gone completely crazy, I’m only moving there for the summer, but I feel like now is the time to have crazy experiences. When I’m old and wrinkly, I will be able to reminisce about the summer I lived in the Big Apple and had the most struggle filled, glamour time of my life. No time like when you’re young to be a hot mess, ey?
Moving on from the romanticism and idealism of moving to New York, a more pertinent goal is to have a summer of indulgence. I have decided that there is no time like now to be selfish, to take what I want because I want it, and to not worry about whether or not I should. It seems silly, and potentially very bad, but I think that life without a little recklessness is not much of a life at all, and if I’m going to be silly and irresponsible, it might as well be now while I have no major bills or responsibilities.
So these are the things that I have decided for myself. I want to explore and have adventures and enjoy these young years of my life to the fullest. I’m only 20 and I already feel those opportunities to pack up and go slipping through my fingers. We only have one life to live, and I’ve already wasted 20 years of my life doing things because they made sense. I don’t think that I can hold myself back any longer, now is the time for making a goal, no matter how outlandish, and sticking to it. I think Italy showed me that there is so much that I want to do and see, even beyond what I thought. I can’t help that my mind is always wandering somewhere new, pulling me to places that I hadn’t even considered before.
Perhaps, I will crash and burn, end up broke and lonely and sad in NYC, but isn’t that apart of life? Maybe, even if I’m unhappy in New York, in some way it will help me to be happy later on in life. And I can’t let the fear of failure get in my way, when it could be the exact opposite. I don’t like surprises and I don’t like change, they always seem to upset me. What better time is there to break that habit, and make myself see that all things have a bright side and to see the infinite possibilities of happiness around me?
Luckily, this summer is turning out to be one of the best, and I know I’ve said this multiple times, but if it continues along this path, I know I will remember it for all my life.
A Dopo, peace and love :)