Monday, September 30, 2013

Today’s letter is…

J for Joke.

As in, my life is a joke. And in true life-is-a-joke fashion my day has been unraveling quite terribly, if I do say so myself.

I woke up this morning feeling like a dry sponge, but then remembered ‘Oh yeah, today is the day that I start my really awesome writing class with Hampton Sides! How cool is that?’

So I get up, realize that I’ve woken up late and scramble to get out of the house so that I’ll be on time for my class. Of course, I arrive at my classroom at precisely 9:02AM with all of my books, ready to apologize my ass off and soak in the awesomeness that is Hampton Sides. And then I realize the door is locked.

Literally panic starts coursing through my body. The director of creative writing comes out escorting the people who were on the waiting list out of the class and informs me that because I was not in the classroom at 9AM I cannot be in the class. I could not believe that he was saying what I thought he was. The class that I had been looking forward to taking for 5 months was now being ripped out of my hands by a little hobbit looking asshole who could careless that I couldn’t find the classroom. My question, “How was I supposed to know about this policy if no one told me?” His response: *shoulder shrug* I wanted to rip his smug little face off.

Adding insult to injury it’s 2nd block, which is notorious for not having very many classes. All of the classes are either 100-level classes for freshman, or 400-level classes for seniors finishing up their majors. Not only am I missing out on my dream class, I am also scrambling to find a class that I can actually take, or I’m hanging out doing nothing for a block. Fucking terrible.

On top of all this, I still haven’t received my money from financial aid. This would be fine if it weren’t the fucking 30th and if all my bills weren’t fucking due today and I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY. Awesome.

Then I receive an email saying that my 5th block class has been cancelled. The other class that I was really looking forward to taking. Score.

Monday called and said: Fuck you.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Boredom v. Relaxation

One thing I learn every block break is that there is a very fine line between relaxation and boredom. Every block break I skirt that line and inevitably cross it.

Usually, my boredom is mixed in with a good dose of procrastination, but that’s another issue entirely.

For most of the break I’ve been pretty content with having absolutely nothing to do. Of course, I’ve had plenty to do this break. Between working, cleaning, and hanging out with friends who I haven’t really seen in a while, this block has been eventful enough that I haven’t actually been bored all break. Today has been he first day that I haven’t really had anything to do. I can’t even go to the gym because it’s closed, so here I sit on my front porch writing about having nothing to do.

I could be going over lines, or reading, or washing my dishes from breakfast this morning. Needless to say, none of those things are moving me to action at this point. Right now, I’d like to be shopping, or hanging out with people, or hiking. But I am doing none of those things which is leading me to a minor case of cabin fever.

Luckily, this break hasn’t been a complete bust. I like that I’ve been pretty productive and have worked out as planned. I can fee that I’m in much better shape than I was before… It’s always astonishing to me how quickly I get back in shape.

On the flip side I’ve felt really weird al of this block, emotionally, that is. I’m not sure if it’s because of my period, or if I’m just having one of those weeks, but I have been really emotional lately. I guess I have been kind of all over the place. Sometimes I don’t know if there is actually something wrong with me, or if it’s totally normal for life to be an emotional rollercoaster.

Between my crush (that is really kind of freaking me out since I haven’t had a crush on someone in quite some time and it makes me think that I’m crazy for being this infatuated with someone I just met), whatever it is that is going on between me ad David, and the intense feelings of loneliness that I’ve been feeling, I’ve been in a whirlwind of emotions lately. Hopefully that will change this upcoming block. I could use some fun.


A little journal entry I’d penned after a summer night watching movies with a guy friend took an unexpected turn.

The silence was the most nerve wrecking I’d ever experienced.

There was an ease with which you sent your currents coursing across the air from my fingertips to every end of my body.

I couldn’t break the current if I’d wanted to, and I feared my careless lips would kill the energy in a fumbling attempt to escape from the silence.

The silence that signaled the inevitable, that I couldn’t deny it if I’d wanted to.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Next block…

Through middle school and high school I was a pretty avid writer.  started out with fiction, writing novels for no one in particular and doing short and flash fiction for Power of The Pen competitions and classes. It was something that I really enjoyed and ended up enjoying more when I applied for the Writer’s Workshop at my school freshman year. I had never personally shared my writing with people I didn’t know. It was an experience that was new for me and it was then that I was really introduced to the idea of creative nonfiction. I had intuitively known it was thing, I’d read personal essays which were clearly more personal in tone than academic essays, but never really consciously thought about them as a separate genre. For me, coming up with stories, even with a prompt was always a hard task. I was always at a loss for a good story, my writing was good, but the ideas were rarely inspired. I can only think of a few stories that I came up with that were any good, needless to say, that does not a good writer make.

The end of the beginning…

Right now there are a ton of people in my house. For a change I’m not annoyed. It’s nice being able to share my home with people. Last night I went out, this weekend was one of pure fun. I drank, I smoked, I danced and I hung out with my friends until the wee hours of the morning. It was a great weekend to say the least, even though I have been doing homework all weekend and it’s 4th week. I met a boy, who, despite being a senior I had never met before. Let’s just say I might have a new distraction, which, at this point, I don’t mind. It’s nice, hopefully I don’t let my self-consciousness get in the way of putting myself out there. We’ll see what happens.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty good. We had a house brunch and then I went to the lab to work. It wasn’t as productive as I would have liked but it was productive enough. Then I had work and then went to Ellement rehearsal. Overall it was a busy day, but a nice day. After that the new freshman swiped me into Rastall… it was joyous and extremely delicious. I haven’t pigged out that much in a very long time.

So tonight I’m deciding whether or not I am gonna go out and also deciding whether or not I’m going to woman up and make a move. Hopefully both of those answers are affirmative, but you never know.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Back when I was in NYC…

I’m in NYC, got in yesterday and so far it’s been pretty great. I had some delicious pizza with my mom before she headed off the Harlem. That’s the only sore spot of the trip, my mother, convinced (and honestly, rightfully so) that Air B’n’B was the best way to go she found her a nice little spot in Harlem… fast forward to yesterday and she finds out the place is in a not so savory neighborhood and the pictures of the place were less than accurate. Now she is stuck in some place with little peace of mind as to her surroundings and out of $130. Although it’s cheaper than what she would have paid for a hotel, I think that she would have felt better paying a little more and not ending up in an (almost) dump. I feel bad since she’s slumming it and I am sitting pretty in a 3 bedroom apartment on the UES in a building with a elevator and doorman. I wish there was something that I could do, but I will try to rendezvous with my mother today and gauge how she’s feeling about her spot.

Last night Sylvie, Wes, and I went over to LeAnna’s for dinner. Honestly, this was the FIRST legitimately pleasant experience I’ve had with her, but in hindsight I realize that she may not have realized that she was kind of being a bitch to me, or at least coming off that way. We had a delicious salad, mediocre pasta, copious amounts of wine, and enough laughs to last us for the entire night. Catch Phrase was a fun time and having hilarious conversations about the craziness that is being a (ex-)CC student made me remember why I love that place so much. It also made me so much more excited to move to the city after graduation.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Productive Procrastination

Right now, there is very little that I could be doing that would make me more miserable than attempting to be productive with a migraine and a growling stomach. Of course, this migraine and general disdain for life that I am experiencing right now is thanks to hangover that I could have avoided. Life choices. Last night, I am unhappy to say, was not worth the intense dissatisfaction with life I am currently feeling. Clearly I failed to properly conduct a cost benefit analysis when I thought playing 21 cup, doing shots, and drinking a tall boy of cheap beer was a good idea for a Wednesday night. Especially when I was already feeling shitty and extremely tired. It also doesn’t help that I’m quite out of practice with hangovers… I woke up this morning and felt like I was sick. And then I realized, oh wait I did this to my self. Great. So, at this moment, I am sitting at a computer in the Keck Lab pretending to be productive. I neglected to realize that my partner had our hard drive with all our work on it, and since he is otherwise preoccupied I am left with little to productively do. I could be writing our script, but as I am wholly and unequivocally uninspired to write anything that I’m supposed to be writing, I am not doing that. So much for getting shit done. Maybe I’ll do better next time? Probably not.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

It’s getting hot!

Friday night was the first official social event at our house (!!!)

We had a BBQ with a bunch of friends to clean out our freezer. We had bratwurst, burgers, corn on the cob, and then people brought beer, more brats, and a bunch of fun stuff like bean dip, chili, and potato casserole. For appetizers we had egg rolls, crackers, and an assortment of cheeses that we procured from one the roomie’s cater waiter jobs.

It turned out really well and then afterwards we had some more drinks, went out to a few house parties, and then I found my way back home at around 2AM.

For the most part, it was an extremely successful night.

Saturday morning was a little annoying. My roommates failed to tell me that our landlord was bringing a huge old hideous TV to our house today. Not only is it completely useless (we don’t have cable, it’s old so there is no HDMI hook up, we also don’t have a DVD player) It is clunky and general just ruins the vibe of the room. Hopefully it goes away soon… I just can’t look at it all year. It will be a problem.