Thursday, August 29, 2013

Big decisions!

This is from the summer, but it pretty much sums up a big decision that I’ve made for post-grad life:

Lately, I’ve been talking to a few of my friends about my decision to move to NYC for a while. Of course, the encouragement and support of my parents was very good for confidence building, but to talk to my friends—most of whom are also dedicated actors, singers, and musicians—has been unbelievably affirming.

For me, I never really considered a career in acting or singing, even though I have always known that I was pretty good at it and that it was something that I loved doing. Part of it, of course, was the uncertainty of it all. Never knowing how long it will be until your next role, not knowing if it will be a paid one or an unpaid ensemble role in some back alley dinner theater (nothing against back alley dinner theaters). But I think I was also a bit scared, and a bit insecure. I have always known that I was a good singer; I’ve been singing my entire life. But despite the amount of time I was singing I was never trained until recently (and there for had no true idea of how I stacked up against my peers with similar aspirations) and I was always around people that I saw as so much better than myself. When you are constantly in shows with people who could easily be on Broadway you doubt yourself sometimes. If half your cast is tiny little girls who are belting G6s with little problem it’s natural that you would feeling a little insecure.

I’ve always had that insecurity gnawing at my desire to pursue theater as a career. Even though I never really acknowledged it until recently it’s been there since I was little. I never thought I was good enough to reach that level of success, to go to New York and get cast in anything let alone to make it to Broadway. So I never entertained the idea that it could be a serious career choice.

Recently I had to face the fact that after this year—my senior year of college—I might never step foot on a stage again. My path was taking me to years of law and graduate school, to politics and urban development and nonprofits. I wouldn’t have the same free time I do now, so I certainly wouldn’t able to devote hours of my time everyday to rehearsals and shows. I was preparing myself for my final year on stage, for my swan song of sorts. The very thought made me sob. I could barely keep the tears from falling as I thought about never performing again. It felt as though I was facing some terrible fate and the impending doom would surely rip my soul to shreds. A life without performing? I haven’t known such a thing since I was an infant.

So, as all adults end up doing, I made a hard choice, one that to most people would seem like a poorly thought out and spur of the moment decision. But for me, and for my friends and family, it seemed like the only one that made sense: I decided that after graduation I am going to pursue acting.

I’ve made peace with my decision, mostly, and I have started the planning process. Sometimes I feel like such a cliché, the liberal arts college graduate wasting her degree by pursuing something that she didn’t even study, and even worse, it’s the arts. Moving to New York and struggling to achieve a dream that for most people never comes true was definitely not in the plans. But other times I remember the feeling of going to an audition, that feeling in the pit of your stomach, the butterflies, the excitement, the adrenaline and thoughts racing through your mind and body. Or the feeling of getting the casting call or being on stage and how it makes you feel like the most important and invincible person in the world. Those are times when I remember why. Why I don’t care that I’m going to be a cliché, why I don’t care that it’s going to be hard or that I might have to subsist on a diet of ramen until I find a job, and why I don’t care that I may not make it to Broadway or win a Tony or become a star. It’s because I couldn’t possibly live without it, and if I didn’t try and see where my passion and drive could take me, I would regret it.

And with that, I am preparing for a long journey. This year will be one for the books, I have already auditioned and been casted for a play that is currently being written by a visiting professor at CC, I am auditioning for Company, and Angels in America at CC and then going to audition for shows in the community. I’m continuing voice lessons and building my musical theater repertoire and also taking some acting classes. I’m going to be working toward my Actor’s Equity card and saving money for the big move. This is all on top of class and finishing my Honor’s Thesis. I know that this year will be tough, and sometimes I will just want to quit, take the easy way out and get a 9-5, but I have to do this, and I will.

Fun in the Sun.

Today was a success. My roomies and I went to Chatfield State Park for the day. Shana, one of my roommates, was looking for places in Colorado to paddle board and happened upon it. Naturally we thought it was a great idea.

We got up this morning to a rough start, tension, hangovers, and a pending utility shut off (more about that later) had us all on edge, but when we finally got to the park things were (mostly) smooth sailing from there.

To call the “Swimming Beach” at Chatfield Reservoir an actual beach would be stretching it. A lot. The “beach” was all pebbles and there were more geese and seagulls than people. It was hot though, so we ignored the unpleasantness of it all and soaked up the sun on the shore. The problem arose when we decided that roasting was getting a little painful and that the water was definitely calling to us.

Unfortunately, the water was murky, browning green, and totally unwelcoming as ducks, seagulls, and geese all made themselves comfortable in the reservoir. We were quickly grossed out of the water and went in search of a better place to dip, preferably with fewer birds and cleaner water. We ended up circling back to a pond we’d seen on our way to the reservoir and it was the place we were actually looking for where they kayaked and paddle boarded. Again, we ran into some problems because we realized there was no brick and mortar operation. There wasn’t a spot to rent paddle boards or any instructors there so we were very confused. On the upside the water was crystal clear and refreshingly cool. There were even little fish swimming around in it.

A lady came up to us from the water and we made fast friends. She was a retired teacher from Littleton who worked for the Denver School District. We talked for a while and then she even let us use her paddle board. It was a lot of fun and the day really ended up being really fun. I got to paddle board for the first time, I got to know my roomies better, and I also get very toasty (tan lines for days :/ )

Now, after having slept off some of the sun, watching TV, and eating a bit I’m looking forward to tonight. Hopefully Phantom and Tony’s is in my future. Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you about what happened yesterday… that was one for the books.

A dopo!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Early in the morn…

Since my brain apparently hasn’t adjusted to MST I have been waking up at ungodly hours and can’t go back to sleep. When I was at home waking up @ 10AM was not bad, it was sleeping in for me. But due to the time change, 10AM is now 8AM, and of course this isn’t the first time I wake up during the night.

I haven’t gone out at all since I’ve been back, and I think the combo of all the beer I’ve been drinking and the stuff I’ve been doing around the house has pooped me out. I have been so tired and I I just end up staying in bed when I get home.

Yesterday I went to The Arc and it was pretty nice. Got some cool frames, an antique bedside table, a real marble cheese board, and a really cute kind of ornate porcelain dish for jewelry. Then I got some supplies from the Ace Hardware for stripping the paint. I’m really excited for the project, and excited for the final product. After that I took a nap, and then I had some wine and talked with Doron, and then had dinner with Nico and her dad.

Today the freshman come and as weird as it is I’m excited that there will be some new faces around, albeit they will be very young faces.

Hopefully I will get a good amount done today and I might be having lunch with Nico and her dad today. I’m looking forward to enjoying the weather.

A dopo!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Intern blues.

Here is a post from a while ago:

Today is the beginning of my 6th week at my internship and it’s started off pretty badly. I’m interning at the Legal Aid Society of Cleveland and I thought it would be a great place to intern because I am thinking about law school and wanted to get a little insight into law in the non-profit sector. Of course, as a third year undergrad with no prior knowledge of law, the only things that I could do for my internship were distinctly non-law related, alas I found a way in which to satisfy improving my current skill set as well as gaining knowledge in a field that I knew very little about.

As the Development and Communications intern I write grant proposals and letters of inquiry, help maintain the donor database, and write success stories of the interesting cases that get closed by the Legal Aid attorneys. It is important work, of course, and it is right up my alley, as an ex-avid writer and Anthropology student, doing tons of writing and tedious work in databases is my forte. In return for my work, I get to attend the events that the Summer Associates attend: meet and greets with local judges and influential attorneys, meetings with big law firms in Cleveland, court hearings and seminars.

Today was supposed to be the first of these law education happenings; we were going to the Court of Appeals to hear oral arguments and I was super excited for it. In the mock trials that I’d seen I’d only ever seen regular court cases, never appeals and I’d also never been in a real court before—double score! I made sure I was up early, I wore some of my new business digs and had breakfast, I was preparing for success and super excited to get to experience court for the first time. But of course, nothing can go as planned and in typical Monday fashion I missed my train.

Really, my train was early and I missed it by mere minutes and ended up having to wait for the next train that effectively caused me to be too late to go. Not only did I not get to go to court, I was at a loss for work, we were supposed to be at the Court House from 9AM-12PM, essentially leaving me with 3 hours to kill before I was actually supposed to start working.

Of course I was bummed, I really wanted to go to court and I also didn’t want to be stuck in the office with nothing to do for 3 hours. But so goes life, hopefully the next time I won’t underestimate the time and will actually be able to go. Le sigh.

Back in the Springs

Yesterday, well I guess 11 hours ago, I got back to the Springs and sort of started moving into my house. I’m excited about the house, the backyard is magical at night, my room is delightfully spacious and things are relatively clean. Everything but the bathrooms, that is. Which, for anyone who knows me is a big deal, there is nothing in the world that makes me feel more uncomfortable/gross than a dirty bathroom (euck!). So guess what I’m doing today?!

I’m really excited to get out tomorrow and see who’s in town and see everyone’s houses. I am also anxious to get all of my things in the house so that I can finally feel at home. The luxuries of having all of my things at my disposal is necessary at this point, and I’m hoping to get most of my stuff in the house today. Then I can sun bathe and just generally do nothing for the rest of the day.

I don’t think that it has fully hit me that school is just around the corner. But oh well, it will eventually.

A dopo!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Back from the dead.

Seven seasons of Star Trek: Voyager, one season of Orange is the New Black, and an internship later I am finishing out my summer with a pretty good feeling. Í have been writing, but unfortunately my writings haven’t been making it here so I will be posting them periodically as they aren’t particularly time sensitive.

It’s a little strange though because there are only a few days left until I am back in the Springs, and though I’m excited for the start of a new year, I am also kind of sad that I’m leaving home. It’ll be the last time I’ll be here for a while, and when I do come back it will be just for a visit before the big move (!!!). I’ve had some amazing nights with my best friends, in Chautauqua, in bars, on rooftops and in VIP sections. There have been some very cute (and not so cute) boys this summer, some Stage 5 Clingers, and some interesting moments with guy friends. I’ve had dates and hook ups and made mistakes, but there is still more that I wish I could do.

I have a few days to enjoy being home and I’m squeezing a lot of living into this time. Between dates, spending time with family, packing, friends from out of town, and fitting in some last hurrah’s with my best girl friends I am going to be stretching out these last few days as much as I can.

There will be much more to come about school, post-grad, and some new developments in my “life plan” and definitely more about my impending move to New York—which might result in a change of blog name who knows.

But for now,

A dopo!