Back at the CC

My summer, as you can probably surmise, was uneventful, but certainly full of love, surprises, excitement, and friends. I don't think that I could have possibly had a better summer considering the circumstances, and I got to meet, and get closer to some really great people. I've even come to love my city even more than I did before, which is certainly saying something.
I have to say the single best part of my summer were the places that I got to see, the little hidden gems that would have totally evaded my radar had I not done my internship. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me and I can easily say that the people in Cleveland have proven once again that we are a city of love, even if we aren’t glamorous or fancy, or particularly exceptional in other people’s eyes.
The friends that I’ve made, and the ones I reevaluated and came to love more were also a great part of the summer. Just thinking about all of the amazing moments that I had makes my insides feel warm and fuzzy. One of the best nights was drinks and hookah with my girlfriends. It was the same group of us that it had been in high school, minus one, and for that moment, we all came back together and it felt right. Even though in many ways we’ve grown apart, it's still nice to know that we can get together, reminisce about old times, and talk about our lives now. I guess the idea that we still value each other enough to make room and time in our lives for each  other is really nice.
So, now I’m back at CC, and I feel like I’m in a totally different world. Seeing friends and acquaintances alike has been great and I had more than one moment when I was just totally overwhelmed by all the people that were happy I was back. It’s always nice to be missed, even if it is kind of selfish. There are the familiar sights, smells, happenings going on and it’s pretty comforting, but it’s also pretty exciting because there are still so many new things. There are renovations that I’m just now discovering, new things in people’s lives, my new apartment and my roommates. It’s all enough to make these first few weeks of being back pretty novel.
In my opinion, I’ve got a great year ahead of me. It’s going to be exceptionally challenging, and filled with so much more responsibility, but I think I’m ready. I want to be challenged and excited about the things that I’m doing. So here’s to being back at school, to summer slipping away with all it’s amazing memories, and to what is to happen in the future: getting older, wiser, making mistakes, and being forced to admit when you’re wrong and need help. Here’s to taking chances.
A dopo!

Summertime is Play Time

I have finally had an indulgent experience, I was beginning to think that I would not reach my goal this summer.

2 nights this weekend I was out until 5 in the morning. I met some awesome people, including a guy, and got to hang out with some friends, including the guy that I had been wanting to hang out with for a while. For a change things were going very well as far as my social life was concerned.

The guy that I met Friday night was probably as close to an intellectual match as I have ever had. It was kind of like kismet, as cheesy as that sounds. We talked for 3 hours and we had so many things in common, it was kind of scary that we were so compatible. He asked for my number and we’ve been texting back and forth, it’s insane how easy he is to talk to, it feels like we’ve been friends for ages. I’m thinking that this could be a really awesome friendship, who knows if it will become more than that. Either way I am quite interested in getting to know him better, and happy that I met him. Gives me hope that there are guys out there who aren’t just completely clueless.

Saturday was nice, I watched a movie with a guy I’ve been semi-crushing on for years. Again, it was kind of insane how comfortable we felt with each other and it turned out to be a great night. I’m hoping that we get to hang out more, but even if we don’t I’m still glad for that one night. I didn’t let my brain get in the way of how I felt and what I wanted. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

I also realized that I am in absolutely no position to be wanting a boyfriend, at least not a serious one. Although now I can see the benefits and the value in having one, eventually. I’m going to be starting my junior year and I want to focus on myself, and my friends, and not have a distraction. Also, is it so bad to want to be able to see what options are out there? I can’t be making up my mind about one particular person when I have no idea what I even want to do with myself.

So, here goes the final stretch of my summer, hopefully I’ll end it with a bang. I can only imagine how great the school year is and hopefully it is even better than summer has been.

A dopo!

So much in my brain…

I, being an idea driven person, am always in my head. I think and think and think about things and often times it stops me from making them happen.

I have been feeling a wealth of emotions over that last few weeks, longing for my second home in Colorado, wanting to stay in Cleveland to see explore every inch of it, having the urge to runaway somewhere new and just stay there. All these feelings contradict each other and it feels like my brain is pulling in 10 different directions.

This summer, I have been doing a lot of reflection. Thinking about the future, the present, my current path in life, where I want it to go, etc. And I find that my desires, what I want to do with myself and what I want my legacy to be are going in divergent paths. The humanitarian in me and the artist in me are having a tug-of-war with my brain on what it is I should devote my life to.

On one hand, I absolutely adore fashion. If I could submerge myself in it 24/7 I would. I love that fashion can be grand, luxurious, and indulgent and be gritty, edgy, and down right dirty all at the same time. The culture, the cult of clothing is like the witch with the shiny red apple, only this time, I know it will inject it’s poison into every inch of me, and I still want it.

If I went into fashion, I know I would turn into “that girl” the one that lives and dies for the shoes in her closet, and can’t imagine leaving the house in anything that doesn’t have a print, a sparkle, or a pleat. I would give myself over to a world of shallow self obsessed poseurs who’s only goal is to be seen being seen. Oddly enough, I’m completely ok with that.

But, do I want my legacy to be that I helped the fashion challenged not to buy ugly clothes, or something more substantial? Enter applied social sciences.

I want to help people, I want to make my community an amazing place for everyone, even the people who can’t afford it, and unfortunately I can’t do that by preaching the evils of Croc’s. I don’t think that it needs much explanation, the humanitarian in me wants to help human kind. It’s not glamorous, no shwanky parties involved, I won’t make a lot of money, and I won’t be surrounded by the young and fabulous.

It will make me feel better about myself to choose the latter option, to keep my self-righteous attitude about elitism and equity. But what happens when all you really wanna do is sell your soul?

A New Philosophy…

Lately, I have been working a lot and talking with people who are a bit older than me and it has made me realize a few things.

The first, is that college never really ends, happy hours and function after parties ensure that you will have just as much potentially embarrassing boozy fun as you did in college. The bright side is you are legally allowed to have this fun, the down side, if you do something stupid and drunk, the consequences might be worse.

Another thing is that I’ve realized time is dwindling. This fall, I will be a junior, inevitably the year will go by in flash and I will be a senior with no more summers and no more time to be a mooch. I need to explore, be reckless, and shameful, and maybe even a little naïve while I can. This realization has created a spark in me, and for all the reasons why anyone would flee to the big city…

Summer Daze

So, things this summer are looking up.

One of my best friends that goes to MIT introduced me to a friend of hers who will be doing research at Cleveland Clinic for the summer. This is a great start to reaching my goal of meeting new people. Plus, I got to hang out with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, so that was nice.

This weekend one of my good friends from highschool is coming home for a few days, I’m really excited to see her.

This summer is turning out to be a lot better than I thought that it would be. If things continue at this trajectory, I’m in for a great time, before an AMAZING year back at school.

Afternoon Delight…

Or, more like morning delight. or morning reflection because it’s actually not that delightful. But like an afternoon quickie, this will be a quick one.

I can’t remember the last time that I read something that resonated with me to strongly. I read this Tuesday, and it still pops into my idle mind. It was eerily relevant to how I was feeling, and not in the ‘I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of something that happened to me’ way, but in the ‘I was literally saying/thinking this exact thing and it’s like the author pulled the thoughts out of my head and put them on paper’ kind of way.

Here’s the article, and I hope it touches everyone who reads it as much as it touched me.

http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/?cross-campus

A dopo!

Everything and Nothing…

I’ve been away for a while, but I’ve been busy working so at least that’s kind of an excuse.

I never knew how true the tired old “intern” stereotype was until now. I work 30 hour weeks (not that much, but in social servicec and development those days can be LONG) sometimes more, dealing with finicky people and difficult companies and get paid nothing. I go home frustrated, or exhausted, or just completely out of it, with no paycheck to show for it at the end of the day. When the weekends come, I’m too broke to do anything, and can’t even afford to go to chipotle let alone get dinner with friends. If I only I had the time/energy for a night job. Not having a car doesn’t help much either.

But I will survive, I will just have to be a freeloader and ask my parents for money, I’m still young and what else is college for other than an excuse to mooch off your parents for 4 years of your “adulthood”?

It’s very interesting working in a field where so many things intersect, I feel like community development corporations are like super heroes, at least the ones that are actually doing things in their communities. They are like event planners, code enforcers, politicians, volunteers, recreational planners, realty consultants, business managers, crisis consultants, social workers, and all in one, and that list goes on. I’ve really been able to see how intelligent and flexible the people that I work with are. They have to navigate so many different work settings, from crunchy granola grassroots organizations to fortune 500 international corporations. Everyday, I feel like this is the kind of work that I want to, but I will definitely have a lot to think about and a lot of work to do.

Otherwise, my life is pretty uneventful. All my friends will soon be fleeing from the Cleve to frolic around the world sailing and doing research and just generally being awesome. Hopefully I’ll get to see them soon, I miss them dearly.

I don’t want to spend my whole summer waiting for school to start, but I’m already feeling that way, and I can’t imagine the summer getting anymore exciting, unless I happen to meet some new people, which I’m totally down for. I want to enjoy this summer, because it is probably the last summer that I will be this carefree, I’ll probably move out of my house, for at least part of the summer and I’ll have to get a job in addition to interning or whatever else I do. I will be working myself to the bone, and my friends will probably still not be home (suburban kids, pfft!) and so I’ll be making do. Then it will be senior year. I don’t want all this amazingness to slip through my fingers and realize when I’m sitting in my cap and gown at graduation, that I didn’t take advantage of every bit of time that I had to be carefree and happy.

Hopefully it wo’n’t come to that, and now I’ve got a date with the kitchen.

A dopo!