I start my internship on Tuesday. This simple fact is freaking me out.
I was doing well before, when I was only dealing with the prospect, the near yet still far away future, that I would be spending my entire summer under a pile of work that I am only half certain that I can handle. Now, it is no longer a prospect, it is happening. On Tuesday.
I know that in theory I can do the work, but I have no idea what they are actually expecting of me and what actual work I will be doing. I also have no idea if the organization is something that I will actually want to be apart of after it is all said and done. Slowly but surely my faith and happiness with public service organizations is going down the toilette.
Not only will I be doing an internship I’m only half sure about, I will be starting my thesis work which, I’m not sure that I’m completely prepared for. It’s going to put me well outside my comfort zone. There are very few things that really give me anxiety, and a large part of my project is doing just that: talking with people whom I do not know in a non-social context.
I think this summer will be a large learning experience because I’m going to be forced to do a lot of things I’m not sure about. I had that a bit last summer and everything turned out really well, so I know that I shouldn’t be so anxious about it. But it’s a lot of work, a lot of work that I want and need to do well. If I want to get fellowships at law firms or at other legal organizations I will need to do well at Legal Aid. If I want my thesis to be good I’ll have to do good research. I guess I’ll just have to work really hard and push myself beyond what I think I can do. IF I do that, I will be fine, but I’m just hoping that I have the will for it.
But all anxieties aside, today I’m going to go shopping for some killer internship outfits, have lunch with my dad, and plan our Memorial Day meal. That should keep my mind off my hopefully-not-impending doom.